Dear Deoderant Makers…

Dear Deoderant Makers,

I know this will seem like an odd rant but I feel I need to share something with you that has been bothering me for the last four or five years. You see, I am just an average guy – a regular joe if you will. I just want a regular old run of the mill deoderant that doesn’t make me smell too feminine and certainly masks my delightful natural scent. If you could somehow manage to NOT discontinue every scent I end up grudingly going with the day after I select it and actually have the same flavor available the next time I find myself in need, that would be great.

For the last 4 or 5 years, you change the scents of your deoderant like Lindsey Lohan changes boyfriends\girlfriends. I can never seem to find one that doesn’t smell like a really bad car air freshener or a really cheap candle. Why can’t you just make something that isn’t scented to appeal to a 12 year old boy in pursuit of his first girlfriend and\or absolutely no one else? I mean seriously, can you people even smell? It’s all a bunch of crap you’re selling!

Of course you do have a bevy of cleverly titled selections with your Ocean Mist, Forest Breeze, Cool Fusion, Momentum, Game Time, Aqua Sport, Alpine Force and of course, Swagger. Then there is the mother of all scents, Sport Fresh – which, by name, seems to be a tad contradictory. I mean you don’t see people making reference to Clean Dirt or Cold Fire or Delightful Natural Scent do you?

I get it that selling deoderant probably isn’t what you envisioned yourself doing as a child and I can only imagine the dangers that are indigenous to your field of work. There used to be a select few of you who actually seemed to cater to the average guy but even you, Old Spice, have now jumped on the metro-sexual bandwagon.

Please for the love of all things scented, could you please maybe combine your forces and come up with just one scent for the average guy? You don’t need any special packaging or fancy graphics. You won’t need any clever commercials or scantily clad models to sell it… on second thought, a few scantily clad models probably wouldn’t hurt… Please just come up with an average guy flavor and call it something easy to identify like ‘Dude’.

Is that asking too much?


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